oh god the rape fog is back!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need water and some morals
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's on the porch naked. Help.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
