Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
