so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
