I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
