the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
