i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
