My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
