he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
