If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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