He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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