dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
