Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need to calm my uterus...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
