it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Enjoy the penises
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
