Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am one with the molecules
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
