do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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