nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
