All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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