While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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