Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
