We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
