i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
