first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need water and some morals
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
