So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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