I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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