But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
