No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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