'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
