I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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