dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
