Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
