if you like me you must not know who I am
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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