Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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