then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
