Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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