I'm laying in your front yard are you home
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
