I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
