speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
