A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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