i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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