I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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