tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
