I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
