had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
