I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
