I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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