can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
