I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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