You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
