Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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