I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
