im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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