I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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