We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
