On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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