Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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