just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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