this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
