Im at strip club and am horny
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
