my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
