Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
