Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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