yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
