Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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