Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fuck appropriateness.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He did a backflip because drugs
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