Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
