Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
