I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i out mim tonsoeep
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
