it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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